Keep your fork! There could be dessert.
When I worked at funeral homes, we sometimes buried people with a fork in their pocket. This practice recalls a story that says that the best words you can hear at the end of dinner are “keep your fork!”. It means that good, sweet things are coming up and I am really hoping that if there is a heaven, dessert is served at every meal.
We have seen a myriad of other paraphernalia tucked into caskets with the deceased. At a funeral, just last week, a cutie-patootie great grandchild was on her way to the casket with a picture that she had labored over during her great grandfather’s visitation. I assumed that she wanted to put it in the casket, but she only wanted to “show” it to Papi, but wanted to “gift” it to Nana with a kiss and a big hug. Even though this tyke was tiny, the comfort that she brought to a woman burying her husband of 60 years was profound, and to see a three year old offer compassion so graciously was heartwarming. Sometimes the most powerful emotions that you witness are contained within the simplest of gestures
What you see when you go to an open casket viewing has changed a bit also. Although the dignified suit and tie option is always appropriate, we have seen a rise of more casual attire. Lots of Packer sweat shirts.
Lots.
We always ask a family to bring in a whole set of clothing right down to under things and footwear if they wish. There is something very comforting about seeing someone in their favorite worn out blue jeans and that familiar brown sweater that they wore when the house was chilly in the morning.
Of course, there are always folks who take casual a little too far. I may have mentioned previously the gentleman whose wish was to be buried “naked as the day he was born”. Luckily his family, who tried very hard to honor his last wish, allowed us to drape him strategically in a lovely bed sheet toga-style for the private “family-only” visitation and he both got his wish and didn’t scar any psyches in the meantime.
Sometimes funeral directors disagree with what should be left in the casket before cremation or burial. I will never forget the two sons who put their father’s considerable collection of military medals in the casket with him. They also included a long, shiny ceremonial sabre with an inscription honoring the deceased. Just before the casket was to be closed and buried, I asked the men if they were sure they wanted to let go of those precious mementos. Their reasoning was that those things were earned by their father and meant the most to him. They felt more comfortable knowing that those awards were preserved and would never endure the ignominious fate of being purchased at the Salvation Army as an accessory to a Halloween costume.
And there are some things that are left in caskets that cannot be explained. A few weeks ago, I was putting some objects in the casket from a bag the family had brought in with the deceased’s clothing. There was a blanket, a toy shovel, a hat, and a small white tooth brush. Hundreds of people went by the casket at the visitation that night. The next morning as the casket was opened for the funeral service the wife of the deceased said to me “I just wanted to ask you. What is the symbolism of the toothbrush?” I was appalled. “You mean YOU didn’t include the toothbrush with his mementos? I am SO sorry!” Turns out the toothbrush was one of those hotel ones that happened to be in the bag with the clothes for the funeral. I quickly removed the toothbrush and replaced it with a fork, because who knows? There could be dessert!
When I worked at funeral homes, we sometimes buried people with a fork in their pocket. This practice recalls a story that says that the best words you can hear at the end of dinner are “keep your fork!”. It means that good, sweet things are coming up and I am really hoping that if there is a heaven, dessert is served at every meal.
We have seen a myriad of other paraphernalia tucked into caskets with the deceased. At a funeral, just last week, a cutie-patootie great grandchild was on her way to the casket with a picture that she had labored over during her great grandfather’s visitation. I assumed that she wanted to put it in the casket, but she only wanted to “show” it to Papi, but wanted to “gift” it to Nana with a kiss and a big hug. Even though this tyke was tiny, the comfort that she brought to a woman burying her husband of 60 years was profound, and to see a three year old offer compassion so graciously was heartwarming. Sometimes the most powerful emotions that you witness are contained within the simplest of gestures
What you see when you go to an open casket viewing has changed a bit also. Although the dignified suit and tie option is always appropriate, we have seen a rise of more casual attire. Lots of Packer sweat shirts.
Lots.
We always ask a family to bring in a whole set of clothing right down to under things and footwear if they wish. There is something very comforting about seeing someone in their favorite worn out blue jeans and that familiar brown sweater that they wore when the house was chilly in the morning.
Of course, there are always folks who take casual a little too far. I may have mentioned previously the gentleman whose wish was to be buried “naked as the day he was born”. Luckily his family, who tried very hard to honor his last wish, allowed us to drape him strategically in a lovely bed sheet toga-style for the private “family-only” visitation and he both got his wish and didn’t scar any psyches in the meantime.
Sometimes funeral directors disagree with what should be left in the casket before cremation or burial. I will never forget the two sons who put their father’s considerable collection of military medals in the casket with him. They also included a long, shiny ceremonial sabre with an inscription honoring the deceased. Just before the casket was to be closed and buried, I asked the men if they were sure they wanted to let go of those precious mementos. Their reasoning was that those things were earned by their father and meant the most to him. They felt more comfortable knowing that those awards were preserved and would never endure the ignominious fate of being purchased at the Salvation Army as an accessory to a Halloween costume.
And there are some things that are left in caskets that cannot be explained. A few weeks ago, I was putting some objects in the casket from a bag the family had brought in with the deceased’s clothing. There was a blanket, a toy shovel, a hat, and a small white tooth brush. Hundreds of people went by the casket at the visitation that night. The next morning as the casket was opened for the funeral service the wife of the deceased said to me “I just wanted to ask you. What is the symbolism of the toothbrush?” I was appalled. “You mean YOU didn’t include the toothbrush with his mementos? I am SO sorry!” Turns out the toothbrush was one of those hotel ones that happened to be in the bag with the clothes for the funeral. I quickly removed the toothbrush and replaced it with a fork, because who knows? There could be dessert!
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